eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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