I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
