I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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