hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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