If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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