oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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