I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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