How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
