i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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