Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
