Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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