yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
