The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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