i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
