...so i touched it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
