white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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