I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
that may or may not have been my penis.
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