Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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