We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
