We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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