Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
