I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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