Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
tell me about the fingering
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