Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
