we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
