I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
