I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
