More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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