.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
