This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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