Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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