Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
