I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
