watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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