And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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