sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
