I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
be right there i have to get my cape
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
