I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
