The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
