Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
