We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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