Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
