I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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