My room smells like vodka and shame
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
