I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
