So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
