you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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