I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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