I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
