woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
