People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
