i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
