I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
