1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
