I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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