The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
