The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
