you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
