I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
