Will you blow on my dice?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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