eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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