Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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