The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
