so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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