Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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