It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
