Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
