im six kinds of drunk right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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