I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
