the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
